fuck it boys.

I have to accept and love who i am, before i can do to others.

The reason why my love life sucks is because i don't want to involve with 'doubt'.' I want it to be clear and smooth. Sound very arrogant, i know.. But the art of heart is not fun at all. I don't want to look back and laugh about it because love often drives me crazy, and waste of time. It's not fun when you're waiting for him hours, day by day.. It's not fun when he stop you from doing things that you love, that are not parallel with his view of life. It's not even fun when he say, 'i love you, and also her.." well, fuck it boys. Just, fuck it.

So, what do i want from this relationship? Well, long distance relationship is never good for me. For that, I'm scared that i would just walk away.. It's not about jealousy or what so ever. It just, that I'm selfish. To know that he is not there because he is out of town is killing me! And I'm scared that i have to face the most ultimate question of all, "Izzit worth it???" Often, never.

I am scared of the future. I know I love him.. but can i stick my mind into it? Can i ever confront my heart that I need him? And here I go again.. doubt. I hate doubt.

Again, what do i want from this relationship? I just want to be okay.. without losing my signature, my life and my radical point of view. I just want to be happy and secure.