i wish.

I can't sleep tonight. Can't stop crying either... I feel sorry to myself. I feel sorry to myself. I don't know how people do it.. and i don't know how i can be so strong last time, but this time.. it is not easy to let go. I feel sorry to myself because i allowed my heart to believe that i can move mountains. that I can change things with patient and laughter. I guess i was all wrong..

Syarifah's brother had a bad accident. I read the msg wrongly, i thought it was syarifah. My heart just drop when i thought it was her.. it was her brother. Still, i was shock. It's quite bad. I put my poker face through it all.. act cool and strong because i have too. I have to, for syarifah. Hospital is like a nightmare for me. to received a msg@call at 3 a.m remind me of my late father. It was 3 a.m when we received the news, my father has past away.. My hand, i still can feel the numbness because i massaged him the whole night. and just by a split second, he was gone. forever.

I don't really talk about my feelings, about how i miss my father and all. I just don't.

I miss him.

and i thought 'he' would understand.. which he don't. then fuck you.

I pray Farez will get better soon.

I hope i can control my feelings. i wish.