keroncong

Tuesday, October 28, 2008. its been 3 month since i saw my dad. i miss him very much. i miss him everyday. when ever i have the chance to talk to my ibu, we often talk about ayah. how funny and crazy he is. they way he make us laugh. the way he dance while listening to his old school keroncong everynight. urm.. well, no more keroncong. no more old school cd from pasar malam. i miss everything about him.

dead, is very mystery. when somebody leaves the world, they dont just leave the world, they leaves us; people that love and care for them. that's hurt. to not able to touch and talk to them. to not able to hear their laugh. to not able to do anything for them beside.. pray and yassin. it hurt so bad. missing someone that you know you cant have. some how, i lost a piece of me. i miss hanging out with ayah at Centrepoint. i miss ayah asking me, " okay ke color spender ni? " or.. "adik, carikan sixe XL spender ni tok ayah.." funny. i miss it. i really do.

some people dont realize how dead really "end". i mean, when you are dead, you are actually leaving tons.. tons and tons of document and stuff someone have to work with. trust me, its crazy. Fara'it, harta pusaka, amanah raya, penilaian harta, pencen, saham, koperasi, insuran etc. its been 3 month and my ibu still strugle about it. its crazy. but that is not the hard part, the hard part is to membiasakan diri with the fact that they are gone. forever. my ibu, kadang2 tercall ayah. me, screaming,calling his name when im in trouble. i got to be honest, when my brother, noah bully me, i still jerit for my ayah. i dont know why.. it just come out from my mouth. its alway, ayah. ayah. ayah. just ayah.

people come and go. how i wish i can make God to chance the fact that my ayah is gone, but i cant. that is not how life suppose to be. we fall, we learn, we get up, we kick ass.

life is to short.

so make the best of it. and im serious here!.... make the best of it.

love yourself, love you family, love jason mraz.

nadia alias~