im learning you

had a big fight with adem tonight. it was me. i was.. bodoh.

i feel really really good when i talk to him. really good, and sometimes i feel like i dont deserve it. so i pick a fight.

and his right, i run everytime i feel happy. therefore, no one can make me happy. no one.

adem have thousand reasons why we shouldnt be friends anymore. i say words that i shouldnt.. my act seems like i hate him. which i dont, at all.

i do love him, as a friend.

it just that sometimes, i feel so low, i feel so lost, i feel so stupid.. and when i look at him, he still smilling. and i feel like i wanna kill him.

his different. that's all.

and im learning you. im learning adem.

................

why am i writting this?? urgh..